been sick so..

I haven't posted anything in a while. I have a really shoddy immune system so when I get sick I am REAL sick for quite a while. Getting a new graphics card so my gaming is going to be epic :) hope everyone has a good weekend.

Off Topic Time: A Chance To Delve Deeper Into Who The Authoress Is. (Experience Time Frame: Teenaged and Pre-Adult)

My Experience That Almost Led Me In To The Polygamous Lifestyle:

Girl finds boy, boy finds girl on the Internet. They talk, they hit it off and spend months talking and getting to know each other. Girl finds out the man likes the same things she does and Girl arranges to meet him at her brother's punk show where he is to perform. She calls him everyday before going to the show to state how excited she was to meet him and all was paradise. They meet at the show and after the show is over Girl goes to spend the night with him. It turned out that she was to spend a week with him because no one wanted to go pick her up. He dined her and took her to many exciting places in that week and doted on her in front of his friends. She then gets a ride back home after his car got done from the shop and Girl doesn't see him for a couple months.3 months later she graduates from high school and discusses moving up to where he lives and he says that would be great. Girl moves to his town and finds a job and all is hunky dory until he started to display some scary behaviors. He sat for hours in front of the computer while she slept on the couch and every time she went to go hug him or see what he was doing he got really mad and pushed her out of his bedroom. She then finds out five weeks later when she discovers a file on his computer that was labeled "Plans for Annie", that's my name she opened it to discover some scary, scary plans. Annie was slated to be wife number one and that the father of Boy specifically asked Boy to find a non white Wife to be his first to circulate new blood into the family bloodline. Annie was scared and realized that she was to share someone she loved dearly with other women and Boy finds her reading this plan and he gets mad and throws her out in the middle of winter to be homeless. She stayed for a week behind a store and she finds out her brother's friends live in town and goes and stays with them. She spends first week with her brother's friends and finds out her Grandfather dies and she goes in to shock and can't register her feelings. She then calls a friend that moved back in to town and she goes to hang out with him and Boy finds out and gets angry. He then volunteers to drive Annie back home to see her family and for her to go to her family members funeral. 

The Day To Go Home:

Boy picks Annie up to drive her home. He says he wants to go stay at his family's house in a town on the way to Annie's hometown. He acts all kindly and apologises for kicking her out of his place and goes to buy her a new piece of jewelry. He bought a ring and says it's for when he and she are at his parents house. Hours later they are there and his whole family is out back and surrounding a hot tub. His father is inside the hot tub and says to Annie, "Go in the house and into the master bathroom and put those clothes on." Annie walks into the bathroom to see that there is a tick white shirt and thick white pants and puts them on and goes back to the back yard and Boy's father says "Come forth child and stand next to me." Annie enters inside of the hot tub and he says, "You are gathered here everyone to witness the baptismal of this woman into our faith and please bow your heads as we bring her in union of the Celestial Kingdom, Pray with us brethren and rejoice the entry of a beautiful woman into our household" He then prayed and told her to plug my nose. He pushed her chest and plunged her in to the water. Annie was frightened because he was talking about things while Annie was under water that made no sense to me and then picked her up out of the hot tub (and last time she checked Annie didn't think a hot tub was an acceptable means to baptize a person...but that's just me She guessed). His father had Boy slip the ring on Annie and Annie walked out of the hot tub and went back in to the bathroom to put her clothes on. Annie walked around the house and went to the basement and no one came with her. Everyone else was busy congratulating boy and Annie remained alone in the basement for a long time. She stared at the ring and could not understand what was going on. Did she just unofficially get married? How much longer did she have to go til she went home to her family the next day? Annie was truly frightened. Her silence didn't last long when all the women of the family (there were five elder women, 15 women in the 18-26 age range and four girls that were boy's sisters) and they crowded Annie and expressed how excited they were to have a new sister and Annie just sat there quiet as a mouse trying to soak all of the days events in. Later on everyone just left Boy's parent's house and Boy came down stairs to put his bedclothes on. Annie and Boy fell asleep. Four hours went by and Annie was found to be cold and went upstairs to sleep in Boy's Sister 1's room for she was gone for a track meet and fell asleep. Her silence of sleep didn't last long and she saw Boy's father enter the room with a belt and some rope and laid it on the bed. Boy and Boy's father were talking outside of the room and boy entered the room and took his clothing off and pulled Annie's clothing off and threw it to the floor. He then pulled a tube of Pre-seed lubrication out of the shirt pocket of the shirt he was still wearing it and placed a liberal amount to his manhood. He took out a pill and made Annie place it in her mouth and made her swallow. Within minutes Annie lost control of what she was doing and she saw that Boy was tying rope to her legs to keep them open and then he put the belt around her wrists behind her back and proceeded to rape Annie. Annie felt really sick to her stomach and her arms were hurting because of the pressure of him being on top. Her ankles were bleeding because of rope burn and she just laid on the bed frightened of what was happening to her. He then grunted and sighed when he finished and then  took a knife that was in his pants pocket to cut the rope off Annie's ankles and undid the belt. He told her to lay there and put her legs up to her chest and left the room. He must have been taking a shower because she could hear water running in the room next to her. She finally felt a little bit of reality in the haze and got up to wipe the fluids from inside of her with a towel she found in the laundry hamper and tried to get every last bit of it out. She was struggling to find her pants and he came in the room and yelled, "I thought I told you to put your legs on your chest and not move" She was frightened and hunched on the floor and he grabbed the belt and started to hit her with it repeatedly. Annie tried to move around so the blows from the belt wouldn't hurt her as much but no avail and then he switched to the side of the belt that had the buckle on it and clocked her good on the back. He then stopped and said, "okay I am tired and had enough." He then bent down to kiss Annie on the forehead and said, "I love you now get some sleep" and left the room. Annie laid on the floor the rest of the night and didn't sleep at all. She looked out the window for hours hoping the sun would come up and when it did she could hear an alarm clock downstairs go off and Boy was heard coming up to the steps and came in to the room and said, "okay it's time to go" So Annie and Boy left his parent's house with his mother standing by the front door so she could take Annie's arm and wrenched it backward into her back and said, "Smile and wave to the neighbors" as she walked her toward the car. Annie entered the car and Boy started the car and told Annie, "Wave at Mom and Dad" blew a kiss toward him and drove away. 

The Ride to Her House:

Nothing was said the entire time down and Annie was still feeling the effects of last night. She could feel herself getting sick but dared not to make a face in the car for the rest of the way down. He stared out the window stone faced until he dropped her off.

Home:

Out in the parking lot he drops her off and says, "I love you, see you in the next few days and tell your grandmother my sympathies." Annie enters the house and hugs her mom tearfully, she masks the feeling of last night with the sadness she felt that her grandfather passed away. Her mom returned the hug and she felt her baby brother come up behind her and hugs her leg. She felt safe and at ease for the first time in weeks. She went to the computer and checked her email and saw that Boy emailed her a threat saying if she told anyone what happened he was going to beat her when he saw her again. 

A day later it was Christmas and gifts were opened in silence. No one in her family felt being happy was going to make anything better. 2 days after Christmas the funeral was to go on. 

After The Funeral:

Annie got a call from Boy saying that he couldn't bear to have her in the relationship anymore and was playing mind games with Annie and told her she was a horrible person and couldn't be trusted with his family secret and said that he wasn't going to pick her up to go back to his home. She stood there confused and felt oddly heartbroken. Later that night she attempted suicide and almost succeeded. She called 911 and the Ambulance took her to the hospital to get stitched up and she spent a week at the hospital to recover and the rest of the month down in Evanston. 

After the State Hospital:

She realized taking her life for a man was a stupid thing and the State Hospital helped her recover from having a horrible cult experience from the therapist that specialized in deactivating and recovering people from cults. She then realized she couldn't live in fear of people like him anymore and regained her confidence. They released her in good mental health ans she went to her real home with her Mom and felt secure. And today she writes to you sharing her horror and is a new woman.

Finding it hard to....

I keep finding it hard to feel like anything I do is making any sort of impact on anything I put my mind to. I feel as if my arms are becoming quicksand and is devouring any effort I put forth. Maybe I just need to get the hell out of where I am in life and hope all goes well with whatever I leave behind. I am really looking forward to being ot of town later today because I am feeling the effects of cabin fever and the fact that I know no one here in this town to go hang out with. Don't get me wrong but I do look for people to associate with but time and again I see that they fail to meet any of my expectations. My expectations aren't high at all so it's not that they are put on a pedistal over everything else. I am looking for trusting people to not fuck with my mind and emotions as far as friendship goes and I am also looking for someone who doesn't try to do the proverbial "one upping" to me because I frankly don't care about those people who want to make their lives sound more awesome than they truly are, to me those people are full of shit. I am also looking for someone or a group of people who have a little bit in common with me so it's easier to talk to them and makes things flow so much easier. I really don't trust making friends with other females because of the fact that I am one and know that the cattiness overrides the comraderie. I also want to be in a group of friends so I can game with them and just have a night where I can cut loose and have fun. My life would be so much easier too if I wasn't afraid to reach out to the broader spectrum of things. I have seen what the world can offer me but it just fills me with fear that I will fail miserably as a person and that everything life does throw at me ends up really hurting me. I do grow from it but I am sick and tired of feeling that pain. But enough of that. I am currently going through a computer crisis with my games. Nothing seems to go right when I update my drivers and makes everything look like crap so I am stuck using my default graphics for now. Gaming is going to have to take a backseat to other things for now so I will keep you posted on when I resume things. Hopefully my next entry will be a little bit more upbeat.


Bye for now.

Getting my teeth looked at...

Why does going to a dental office feel like being a contestant at a dogshow? If I were a contestant at one they'd be asking my owner, "why haven't you put this animal down? It would be awfully humane of you to do it." Oh well, at least I will be getting rid of the reason for me not being able to sleep at night.

fast food conundrum...

Why is it that I always get the stomach gurgles every time I eat at a fast food place? C'mon I want to be able to enjoy the food and be able to get something out of it instead of raging nasties and stomach pain out the wazoo!

A Few Places Worth Mentioning...

http://www.youtube.com/user/monkeetime

http://www.monkeetime.com/

the catterpillar moves..

Inch by inch I find myself getting shorter, I really think I need to start eating calcium blocks that reptile people give their pets lol. 


I had this dream where I contacted this organization about getting tickets for my mom, Dan, and I to go to Korea. Hope I can find such organization because I WANT TO GO ON VACATION FOR FREE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!