Finding it hard to....

I keep finding it hard to feel like anything I do is making any sort of impact on anything I put my mind to. I feel as if my arms are becoming quicksand and is devouring any effort I put forth. Maybe I just need to get the hell out of where I am in life and hope all goes well with whatever I leave behind. I am really looking forward to being ot of town later today because I am feeling the effects of cabin fever and the fact that I know no one here in this town to go hang out with. Don't get me wrong but I do look for people to associate with but time and again I see that they fail to meet any of my expectations. My expectations aren't high at all so it's not that they are put on a pedistal over everything else. I am looking for trusting people to not fuck with my mind and emotions as far as friendship goes and I am also looking for someone who doesn't try to do the proverbial "one upping" to me because I frankly don't care about those people who want to make their lives sound more awesome than they truly are, to me those people are full of shit. I am also looking for someone or a group of people who have a little bit in common with me so it's easier to talk to them and makes things flow so much easier. I really don't trust making friends with other females because of the fact that I am one and know that the cattiness overrides the comraderie. I also want to be in a group of friends so I can game with them and just have a night where I can cut loose and have fun. My life would be so much easier too if I wasn't afraid to reach out to the broader spectrum of things. I have seen what the world can offer me but it just fills me with fear that I will fail miserably as a person and that everything life does throw at me ends up really hurting me. I do grow from it but I am sick and tired of feeling that pain. But enough of that. I am currently going through a computer crisis with my games. Nothing seems to go right when I update my drivers and makes everything look like crap so I am stuck using my default graphics for now. Gaming is going to have to take a backseat to other things for now so I will keep you posted on when I resume things. Hopefully my next entry will be a little bit more upbeat.


Bye for now.